isolation

I'm feelin lost I can't speak to people I don't know how to speak I'm always alone even whne I'm in home I can't speak to my family I don't have the confidence to speak or do anythink I'm tierd My mind doesn't want to let me live

I don't feel I'm a part of this society anymore, it's been 6 years and i never made a friend on it , I started working at young age where it's kinda hard for me to meet pp my age, I can't remember the good times I had with my self and I can't even tell if the things that happened to me are real or I'm just imagine things ,I should accept god plans and that's what I'm trying to do , it's just sometimes I wished pp cared like I did for them !

I feel like im not connected to my parents cuz i was raised by my grandma , even tho i live with them now im not that connected to them to the point that if i was far from home i can go days without even talking to them or asking abt them and its going to another point where i dont want to talk to anybody even my friends or other ppl ,idk if yall can get me but i hope u get the point

Here they are again, Holidays reveal ur loneliness, no life without exams studying,no one to turn to, no one to choose u, no one cares about u. Ur just thinking of who of them to talk to but u just feel u have no place or right to talk to somebody. Know that I'm not thier favorite but wish to, did everything to reach that place, but at the end no one to turn to, no one to escape to, no one to reveal ur real one to.

It is really hard to live in a society where you have different spiritual beliefs. What I mean is that I do not follow the religion on my society. I can't even be open about it and it's more difficult to establish relationships.

I feel just disgusting. I have a feeling that I have not made a single good decision in the last two years. I have almost completely isolated myself. There is only one person with whom I communicate regularly. I am completely incapable of working. At the moment, I am not required to work, but I see that none of my goals are achievable if I continue to live this way. So I set myself fewer and fewer goals. Each of my sessions of self-analysis ends in hysterics. But self-analysis was instilled in me from childhood. I can't just live and enjoy the moment, knowing that I'm sliding lower and lower. Sometimes I try to forget myself, but it leads to complete disasters. Now I can't get up in the morning, I miss mandatory activities, I systematically let people down, I hang huge problems on the people responsible for me. Sometimes I think how great it would be if I was diagnosed with an incurable disease. All my actions would become rational and explainable. I have a lot of thoughts about the end of my life, but I'm too weak to actually do anything. I understand that such thoughts are destructive. What kind of efficiency can we talk about when I am not sure if I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow? I'm no longer trying to take control of my life, I'm just taking the path of least resistance. This is pathetic. And it is terribly unpleasant for me to write such a text. I know what I myself would say in response to this. This is literally the worst way to describe what is happening. I am overdramatizing, this is another worst possible solution. I can't stop making bad decisions, so please help me stop analyzing them.