i am dating a boy who is literally everything to me, we have been together for 2 years, words literally cant explain my feelings for him, im 17 so hes my first love, my only one, he loved me through the toughest time of my life, when i was self harming and alone, waking up everyday hoping its already over and he helped me find myself again, even though our relationship is haram, and secret from our parents ( were muslims) and totally wrong for both our religion and culture and destroying our parents trust, im aware, but we love eachother so deeply, we bring out eachothers best versions, we both improved in everything since we got together, i really believe hes the love of my life even if it sounds immature and that im young and dont know true love, we took our time to know what hurts us, what makes us happy, to be the way we are and not accidentally hurt eachother, it wasnt easy but we did that and i feel a connection with him i dont feel with anyone in my life. Heres where my problem is, Im from a different country (syria) that had wars that made us move to egypt, and hes egyptian. Since syria is now in better conditions, my parents decided we should move back, we wont have residence permit that allows us to visit egypt again, so were going to be long distance, but forever. He cant come to syria hes graduating uni and starting his military service and trying to start his career, and im graduating and going to my first year im medschool, im so so scared were going to drift, or be forced apart because of this. its like our hearts are tied together but all circumstances are trying to push us away. im going to be completely alone in a country i dont know anything about in my first year in uni without even having online contact with him (bc of military). and he genuinely became my anchor, the one i come to whenever anything goes wrong and hes always gentle with me and no one in my life was there for me the way he was, im scared. im terrified to lose my person who im so dependent on. and even if we make it, even if we dont drift, how are we ever going to make it work?? how are we going to get engaged or married or take any serious step at all? i know im thinking so far ahead but it feels like our relationship has a ticking time limit thats going to end and fall apart. I know that i will never love anyone the way i love him, he will own my heart till the day i die, i dont want to lose him , i feel so helpless. I talked to him about these fears many times, he always reassures me that well make it work, that we will find a way and to not start overthinking from now, but i cant help it my mind is always racing with these possibilities. ...see more
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