I hate my life . I know I should be thankful that I do have basic needs and a child I always prayed for . but sometimes I just want to disappear. it's so distressing always having to be less attractive, less loved ,less cared for ,less successful, less happy ,compared to others . and yes comparison is the thief of joy ,but I can't help it . I have always been average, but now I'm less than average. terrible skin ,an awful body ,poor financial stability (not because I haven't tried to change all that) , a boyfriend who gets upset about everything, a child I barely provide for ,and myself ,stuck in this pain ,that won't go away,.I have tried all those self healing methods,self love , but I just hate everything about myself. most things require some sort of stability to change , I cant afford to even change. and a home that always feels like a disagreement away from no longer being a place i can call home . I'd love to level up my life ,but I can't even afford to self love ,find and develope new hobbies or even change anything about myself . sometimes I think life would be easier for everyone if I'm not around ,that my existence is an inconvenience. I want to have faith that things will get better ,but I'm not a fool to wish for things that aren't meant to be for me . I'm starting to accept the fact that I probably won't ever be pretty or genuinely loved or successful. just plain,sad ,below average 30 year old woman .

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