apology

I hate myself. My father is yelling at me. He's saying that I didn't do anything, that i can only lie here like piece of garbage and do nothing. He's saying that he didn't deserve such an insult from me. He's absolutely right. He repeats my own thoughts. I don't want to see what's next anymore. I want to give up. I refuse to continue this. I don't want to achieve anything anymore, I just want to live one day without wanting to kill myself. I'm so sorry for people reading this. Im wasting your time. You don't have to answer me. You should probably ignore this. I just have nowhere else to go. Sorry.

i don't know where to start and what to talk about its like there is a lot of problems and there none at the same time somtimes i'm thinking why am i depressed for what yes i know i'm always harsh on myself i always blame me for everything even if its not my faulte apologizing every single time just to keep things calm and the worst idea that gets me every night is WHO IS GONNA LIKE AN UGLY BORING UNSOCIAL GUY LIKE ME