crying

So i kinda fell head over heals for this guy but hes 22 and im 6 years yonger than him and he has a lot of complicated things going on and i dont juge him for that but my grandmother wont let me be with him or be around him bc “you shouldnt be that attached” but i have bad attachment issues due to parental problems ect. So i get attached quick and put my whole heart into everyone and i dont know how to feel anymore ive been so anxious i get sick and i cant stop crying even the thought makes me cry but my nana says something is wrong with me, is there something wrong?

The best thing tht happend that i found this app to tell other about my feelings My friends go out with they say its an acc and when i tell them lets go out they say no and they trat me bad and they say its a joke and they sometimes curse me and i curse them back but I don’t like that they treat me badly i don’t know what to do i even don’t know if they like me they don’t go out with only one of them bc he was with me in our old school but they no last year i found out they mad a group without me named it no(my name) and I don’t know if they have another group when they went out with out me i was very sad i cried I don’t know what to do it was in Ramadan i saw the pic all of them in the pic even the guy in my old schoool he didn’t tell metha they were going out oneof them was sticking out his toung I don’t know what to do the beat thing that will happend when i go to new school

Ive not had my mother for 9 years now but ive always loved her and for some reason always belifed anything she says is the truth even though it never is.. i usued to wait at the door when she said she was coming to get me and refuse to move an inch with my bag packed beside me till i fell asleep, and she would always leave us no matter what she promised when we woke up she would be gone and i thought it would change because its my monma afterall until one day she decided to leave for good not that i knew that at the time but i fought kicked and screamed for her to stay all i wanted was for her to be with me i didnt care she was an adict i didnt mind that she wasnt with my dad i didnt care if she cooked bad or that she always lied or that she had no teeth i just wanted her to stay.. i never shook that feeling and i don’t understand what this feeling is because i know she did so much to hurt me and my siblings and my dad but i cant help but sit and cry because i miss her and i dont know why i miss someone who never chooses me someone who has hurt me more than everyone else… i dont know what this weight on my chest is but it makes it so hard to breath and i dont know how to fix it..