failure

Realizing that you're living and doing the thing you don't love is like by far the worst feelings ever , I'm studying but all I do is try to distract myself from it and I failed before so now I'm doing my best to not distract myself and do what I should do and face the reality but still now I feel so bad for myself for what I'm living

Tbh I still don't understand why I'm feeling this way is it the way I was since I was a kid or suddenly got depressed and now I can't even study as I used to I literally changed I can't even stay 2 hours studying I'm always on my bed and my phone and I feel tired and negative even though I always try to get better with any kind of way I tried praying cleaning my space thinking positivity but I always fail and I always seek attention from others and most of times now I'm alone I have friends but not really my friends everyone is busy with their lives even though we're just 18 I am so tired and my mental health is getting worse and I have I should study or else I will fail like last year