family conflict

Hi guys I'm so tired. Tomorrow is my birthday so my parents and uncles wanted go to trip today I'm not sleeping I need to wake up at 6am now is 1am so we will go to the soooo boring place at my BD. I kinda hate my BD cause they're was a depression day I always argue with my parents and others adults. I hate adults ( not my parents) they always thinks they're right just because they older in my country adults never listen kids cause they're too young but why did they can't understand that we are humans too. When I say I don't wanna invite the peoples 30+ in BD they said u are ungrateful kid. My birthday was never celebrated the way I wanted. and this year I wanted to celebrate it the way I wanted so this day we going to the trip that 2 days long sorry guys I just tired of this thank u everyone (sorry for a bad English)

I hate myself. My father is yelling at me. He's saying that I didn't do anything, that i can only lie here like piece of garbage and do nothing. He's saying that he didn't deserve such an insult from me. He's absolutely right. He repeats my own thoughts. I don't want to see what's next anymore. I want to give up. I refuse to continue this. I don't want to achieve anything anymore, I just want to live one day without wanting to kill myself. I'm so sorry for people reading this. Im wasting your time. You don't have to answer me. You should probably ignore this. I just have nowhere else to go. Sorry.

Update i tried again to get her too look at his green flags she told me she will press charges on him if she sees us talking in any way, she screamed in my face and told me i have no common sense and that i apparently find joy in hurting people told me theres no way out that im going to counseling is trusting people shes never met over me make me bawl and now wants to act like were friends im so done i cant even. 16 years of being the “responsible” “perfect” child and its all nothing when push comes to shove.. im so tired of all of this. I hate her and myself. I had to cut him out of my life completely to keep him out of trouble. I hate myself for hurting him when hes already going through so much. If i knew this would happen i would have never gotten with him in the first place. I dont know anymore i just hurt.

I have prblm that I don't like seeing or talking to ma dad even his existence is annoying I don't hate him but whenever I see him I become an aggressive person unlike when he's not around me I become very quiet person