feeling annihilated

Marshmallow_88489 🇩🇿

3 weeks ago

Feeling Depressed

Express your Feeling anonymously

It's been 4 years I'm struggling with severe depression, along with suicide thoughts that consume me day and night and dream about them and planify to end up soon My social anxiety makes it almost impossible for me to express myself, and cause of that, people treat me like a joke or underestimate me without ever trying to understand what I’m going through. Over time, all the criticism, mockery, and constant judgment have destroyed my self-esteem  both in how I see my appearance and in how I see my worth as a human being.
Under stress, I fall into addictive things like porn gore smoking eating relationships songs social media sleeping , as a way to release everything I can’t say out loud. But the more I hide my pain, the more people tell me I’m “dramatic” or “crazy,” even though I’ve been carrying these wounds in silence for years and years and no one noticed anything 
I grew up in an environment full of pressure, comparison, and harsh judgment, to the point where I no longer feel like a real person just an object people can criticize without consequence. Now, all of this has left deep scars: my posture, my height, my body, my entire self-image has become a source of insecurity and shame.
Right now, isolation feels like the only way to survive, because the people around me only worsen my condition. I’m torn between wanting to live and the overwhelming pain that keeps dragging me down. I dream of peace, of becoming someone I could admire someday, but I keep falling back, and I feel too fragile to move forward.
All of this is literally destroying and shattering me. I feel annihilated, lost, and I no longer know how to move forward in this chaos.
Yet despite everything, I’m still trying even with a heart that feels like it’s breaking to hold on in a world where cruelty can easily crush someone already carrying so much pain and I plan several times to take my own life these days I even dream about them

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