grief

I think the hardest thing I've learned is that being surrounded by people and feeling understood are two completely different things You can sit in a room full of family, friends, people who have known you for years, and still feel completely alone Not because nobody is there But because nobody sees the weight you're carrying Everyone sees your decisions Everyone sees your reactions Everyone sees the moments where you're upset, angry, emotional, distant, stubborn, or quiet Very few people stop long enough to ask what happened before that Very few people care about the thousands of thoughts that led to the moment they're judging Lately I feel like I've been carrying pieces of myself around that nobody notices Old disappointments I never really got over Words people said that they probably forgot five minutes later but somehow stayed with me for years Dreams I had to put aside Plans that never happened People I trusted Versions of myself I miss And sometimes I wonder if anyone realizes how exhausting it is to constantly keep moving while carrying all of that I think people assume strength looks like never breaking But honestly, I think real strength is breaking and continuing anyway It's crying and still showing up the next morning It's feeling disappointed and still finding a reason to hope It's being hurt and still choosing kindness It's feeling alone and still getting out of bed There are days when I feel like I'm fighting battles nobody else can see Not dramatic battles Not movie-worthy tragedies Just quiet battles The kind that happen entirely inside your head The battle between what you want and what everyone expects from you The battle between your heart and your mind The battle between forgiving people and remembering what they did The battle between hope and disappointment The battle between who you are and who everyone thinks you should be And the worst part is that those battles don't leave bruises Nobody sees them Nobody notices how tired you are from carrying them Sometimes I wish I could explain what goes on in my head without sounding dramatic I wish I could explain that being hurt isn't always about one big event Sometimes it's years of little things Years of feeling misunderstood Years of trying to be the bigger person Years of swallowing your feelings because speaking up creates more problems than staying quiet Years of trying to make everyone comfortable while slowly forgetting what comfort feels like yourself And eventually something changes You stop expecting people to understand You stop expecting explanations You stop expecting apologies Not because you're healed But because you're tired And there's a specific kind of sadness that comes with that The sadness of realizing that some people will never see your side of the story No matter how carefully you explain it No matter how much you sacrifice No matter how much you try Sometimes they'll only ever see the version of you that exists in their mind And maybe that's what hurts the most Not being hated Not being rejected Being misunderstood Because when someone misunderstands you, they aren't responding to who you actually are They're responding to a version of you that doesn't exist I don't think I'm angry anymore I think I'm just grieving a lot of things The people I thought would understand me The situations I thought would end differently The plans I thought would work out The peace I thought I would have by now Maybe that's why I've been so tired lately Because grief isn't always about losing people Sometimes it's about losing expectations Losing certainty Losing the future you imagined And having to build a new one from the pieces I don't know Maybe I'll figure it out eventually Maybe all of this will make sense one day But right now, if I'm being honest, I'm just trying to get through one day at a time Trying to carry what I can Trying to let go of what I can't Trying to believe that all of this heaviness won't last forever And hoping that one day I won't feel like I have to explain my existence just to be understood In the end, after all of this, there's only one constant thought which is: بيكسروا حاجات تعبت في اني ابنيها لوحدي..

Even before I was born, my father remarried. He has a 1-year-old son from that marriage. People say a daughter is her father's fairy — but my story is nothing like that. After I was born, my stepmother didn't let my father come near me. He never came to me. When I was 5 years old, my father betrayed us — he threw me, my mother, and my siblings out of the house. We had to move to another city. Then my mother died when I was 10. I loved her so much. After she left, I went into shock. I used to be a very good student — I used to get top positions. Now I feel like a loser. I have only spoken to my father 2 or 3 times in my life. He always praises my stepmother's children and looks at me like a loser. He thinks I can't do anything. That I will never succeed. There was a time when I was a good student — a sharp mind. Then my mother passed away. I got stuck. There was a complete downfall. In school, teachers started scolding me. I couldn't take it anymore. I left school. Now I feel like a loser. I can't remember things properly anymore. I have memory issues. I can't keep things in my mind. I can't remember moments with people. I forget a lot. Trying to remember gives me severe headaches. I don't have a single friend. And I've only shared a small part of my story here. Someone please help me. I am living in so much anxiety."

Even before I was born, my father remarried. He has a 1-year-old son from that marriage. People say a daughter is her father's fairy but my story is nothing like that. After I was born, my stepmother didn't let my father come near me. He never came to me. When I was 5 years old, my father betrayed us — he threw me, my mother, and my siblings out of the house. We had to move to another city. Then my mother died when I was 10. I loved her so much. After she left, I went into shock. I used to be a very good student I used to get top positions. Now I feel like a loser. I have only spoken to my father 2 or 3 times in my life. He always praises my stepmother's children and looks at me like a loser. He thinks I can't do anything. That I will never succeed. There was a time when I was a good student a sharp mind. Then my mother passed away. I got stuck. There was a complete downfall. In school, teachers started scolding me. I couldn't take it anymore. I left school. Now I feel like a loser. I can't remember things properly anymore. I have memory issues. I can't keep things in my mind. I can't remember moments with people. I forget a lot. Trying to remember gives me severe headaches. I don't have a single friend. And I've only shared a small part of my story here. Someone please help me. I am living in so much anxiety."

my childhood friend of 12 years randomly stopped talking to me a few years ago she basically removed herself from my life for no reason suddenly and out of nowhere and that broke me because I had no one but her and because she was my social crutch when she left she took my entire social life with her I had to be socially on my own for the first time in my life and I ended up spending a year in total isolation and that made it even harder to move on from her I have been trying to build myself from scratch ever since

Ive not had my mother for 9 years now but ive always loved her and for some reason always belifed anything she says is the truth even though it never is.. i usued to wait at the door when she said she was coming to get me and refuse to move an inch with my bag packed beside me till i fell asleep, and she would always leave us no matter what she promised when we woke up she would be gone and i thought it would change because its my monma afterall until one day she decided to leave for good not that i knew that at the time but i fought kicked and screamed for her to stay all i wanted was for her to be with me i didnt care she was an adict i didnt mind that she wasnt with my dad i didnt care if she cooked bad or that she always lied or that she had no teeth i just wanted her to stay.. i never shook that feeling and i don’t understand what this feeling is because i know she did so much to hurt me and my siblings and my dad but i cant help but sit and cry because i miss her and i dont know why i miss someone who never chooses me someone who has hurt me more than everyone else… i dont know what this weight on my chest is but it makes it so hard to breath and i dont know how to fix it..

I had a crush on a guy who studied with me at the same university. After a while, he followed me on Instagram and we started talking, and we were at the beginning of a relationship. After a month, we didn't talk anymore, and I didn't even ask him why. We used to meet outside by chance. He talked to me normally like nothing happened. After two years, he sent me again, but I couldn't talk to him as if we were friends. So I was talking to him coldly and started ignoring his messages, even though I loved him and I regretted it. That's why I decided to gather my strength and talk to him face to face. I made an appointment with him, but a few days before I met him, he died in a car accident. Once, 3 months after his death, I cannot forget him And I am very regretful.. He was the best person I've ever met