grief

my childhood friend of 12 years randomly stopped talking to me a few years ago she basically removed herself from my life for no reason suddenly and out of nowhere and that broke me because I had no one but her and because she was my social crutch when she left she took my entire social life with her I had to be socially on my own for the first time in my life and I ended up spending a year in total isolation and that made it even harder to move on from her I have been trying to build myself from scratch ever since

Ive not had my mother for 9 years now but ive always loved her and for some reason always belifed anything she says is the truth even though it never is.. i usued to wait at the door when she said she was coming to get me and refuse to move an inch with my bag packed beside me till i fell asleep, and she would always leave us no matter what she promised when we woke up she would be gone and i thought it would change because its my monma afterall until one day she decided to leave for good not that i knew that at the time but i fought kicked and screamed for her to stay all i wanted was for her to be with me i didnt care she was an adict i didnt mind that she wasnt with my dad i didnt care if she cooked bad or that she always lied or that she had no teeth i just wanted her to stay.. i never shook that feeling and i don’t understand what this feeling is because i know she did so much to hurt me and my siblings and my dad but i cant help but sit and cry because i miss her and i dont know why i miss someone who never chooses me someone who has hurt me more than everyone else… i dont know what this weight on my chest is but it makes it so hard to breath and i dont know how to fix it..

I had a crush on a guy who studied with me at the same university. After a while, he followed me on Instagram and we started talking, and we were at the beginning of a relationship. After a month, we didn't talk anymore, and I didn't even ask him why. We used to meet outside by chance. He talked to me normally like nothing happened. After two years, he sent me again, but I couldn't talk to him as if we were friends. So I was talking to him coldly and started ignoring his messages, even though I loved him and I regretted it. That's why I decided to gather my strength and talk to him face to face. I made an appointment with him, but a few days before I met him, he died in a car accident. Once, 3 months after his death, I cannot forget him And I am very regretful.. He was the best person I've ever met