loss

I think the hardest part isn’t what happens to you, it’s what it changes inside you You start noticing how you react differently, how you think more before you speak, how you hold back parts of yourself you used to give so easily It’s not that you became cold, it’s just that you learned And learning doesn’t always feel like growth, sometimes it just feels like loss Loss of softness, loss of trust, loss of the version of you that didn’t overthink everything I don’t think people talk enough about that part… the quiet shift The moment you realize you can’t be who you were before, even if you wanted to And maybe that’s not a bad thing Maybe it means you see things more clearly now But clarity comes with a price Because once you see, you can’t unsee And once you understand, you can’t pretend it doesn’t matter So you just… carry it You carry the awareness, the memories, the lessons, and you keep going like it didn’t change you that much But it did It always does

Ive not had my mother for 9 years now but ive always loved her and for some reason always belifed anything she says is the truth even though it never is.. i usued to wait at the door when she said she was coming to get me and refuse to move an inch with my bag packed beside me till i fell asleep, and she would always leave us no matter what she promised when we woke up she would be gone and i thought it would change because its my monma afterall until one day she decided to leave for good not that i knew that at the time but i fought kicked and screamed for her to stay all i wanted was for her to be with me i didnt care she was an adict i didnt mind that she wasnt with my dad i didnt care if she cooked bad or that she always lied or that she had no teeth i just wanted her to stay.. i never shook that feeling and i don’t understand what this feeling is because i know she did so much to hurt me and my siblings and my dad but i cant help but sit and cry because i miss her and i dont know why i miss someone who never chooses me someone who has hurt me more than everyone else… i dont know what this weight on my chest is but it makes it so hard to breath and i dont know how to fix it..

I had a crush on a guy who studied with me at the same university. After a while, he followed me on Instagram and we started talking, and we were at the beginning of a relationship. After a month, we didn't talk anymore, and I didn't even ask him why. We used to meet outside by chance. He talked to me normally like nothing happened. After two years, he sent me again, but I couldn't talk to him as if we were friends. So I was talking to him coldly and started ignoring his messages, even though I loved him and I regretted it. That's why I decided to gather my strength and talk to him face to face. I made an appointment with him, but a few days before I met him, he died in a car accident. Once, 3 months after his death, I cannot forget him And I am very regretful.. He was the best person I've ever met