tired

I’m really tired of feeling like I always have to hold everything together Like no matter what happens, I just deal with it and move on like it’s normal But it’s not normal And I’m not okay as much as I pretend to be There’s too much going on at once, and I don’t even have the space to process any of it I just keep pushing through because I don’t have another option I don’t want to be strong all the time I don’t want to keep acting like nothing affects me I just want things to feel calm I just want to feel safe for a little while without expecting something to go wrong right after I don’t have everything figured out, and honestly, I’m really overwhelmed…

I'm going through a period of time where I just can't focus on anything on top of that I keep distracting myself the moment I try to get back on track of do what I have to doand I always feel tired and I'm sure that I am so depressed idk what to do I feel stressed all the time and under pressure and the fact that I keep comparing myself to others it's just exhausting i always try to get better but even anxiety gets me always and my very toxic environment is not helping if anyone is going through this I need a piece of advice or a solution or how to live with this idk

Tbh I still don't understand why I'm feeling this way is it the way I was since I was a kid or suddenly got depressed and now I can't even study as I used to I literally changed I can't even stay 2 hours studying I'm always on my bed and my phone and I feel tired and negative even though I always try to get better with any kind of way I tried praying cleaning my space thinking positivity but I always fail and I always seek attention from others and most of times now I'm alone I have friends but not really my friends everyone is busy with their lives even though we're just 18 I am so tired and my mental health is getting worse and I have I should study or else I will fail like last year