Everything is just way 2 much I keep thinking of killing myself. It feels like a shadow always creeping up on me, following my every step. I'm constantly stressed, anxious or sad because of everything. School is so hard to me even though I know all these subjects are easy and I used to know them. I can't really do anything anymore, I can't study, can't clean my room. I struggle taking care of my cat, of myself and of honestly everything. I barely leave the house. How am I supposed to get my car license and a job if I don't have the energy to wash my face? Even if I would have energy, I'm still too fucking autistic to act like a normal person. I hate this mental retardation and I hate it even more when people tell me that it doesn't stop me from anything, because it stops me everyday with everything. I know they mean well and try to comfort me, try to tell me I'm not doomed or something, but I seriously am. I hate myself so much because of it. I can't even walk without something bothering me. I don't understand why anybody would ever pretend or lie about being autistic, cuz it's not fun at all. I would do anything to be like anybody. And all my friends are starting to leave me. And the time is runing away from me. And I just want to vanish. I want to kill myself so bad, I just haven't figured out how and when

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