depression

I have an existential crisis, i know that this life is supposed to be a test but i dont remember signing up for it and the fact that i didn't choose it yet i have to endure everything that it throws at me make me feeling trapped watching life happen to me and crushing me in the process, i have a strong faith which why i have this contradictions inside me, im grateful but i dont wanna be here, life is overrated and yet i don't have a say in the matter, this implifies during my birthday and i cannot imagine that I got to live to witness another one, its a cruel reminder that what i want doesnt matter in the equation and im supposed to just take it, i don't know what to expect from publicing this but if you have any advice or if you are going through the same thing let me know so i know im not the only one, not many can relate but am i supposed to just keep going anyway or...

I hate myself. My father is yelling at me. He's saying that I didn't do anything, that i can only lie here like piece of garbage and do nothing. He's saying that he didn't deserve such an insult from me. He's absolutely right. He repeats my own thoughts. I don't want to see what's next anymore. I want to give up. I refuse to continue this. I don't want to achieve anything anymore, I just want to live one day without wanting to kill myself. I'm so sorry for people reading this. Im wasting your time. You don't have to answer me. You should probably ignore this. I just have nowhere else to go. Sorry.

I feel just disgusting. I have a feeling that I have not made a single good decision in the last two years. I have almost completely isolated myself. There is only one person with whom I communicate regularly. I am completely incapable of working. At the moment, I am not required to work, but I see that none of my goals are achievable if I continue to live this way. So I set myself fewer and fewer goals. Each of my sessions of self-analysis ends in hysterics. But self-analysis was instilled in me from childhood. I can't just live and enjoy the moment, knowing that I'm sliding lower and lower. Sometimes I try to forget myself, but it leads to complete disasters. Now I can't get up in the morning, I miss mandatory activities, I systematically let people down, I hang huge problems on the people responsible for me. Sometimes I think how great it would be if I was diagnosed with an incurable disease. All my actions would become rational and explainable. I have a lot of thoughts about the end of my life, but I'm too weak to actually do anything. I understand that such thoughts are destructive. What kind of efficiency can we talk about when I am not sure if I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow? I'm no longer trying to take control of my life, I'm just taking the path of least resistance. This is pathetic. And it is terribly unpleasant for me to write such a text. I know what I myself would say in response to this. This is literally the worst way to describe what is happening. I am overdramatizing, this is another worst possible solution. I can't stop making bad decisions, so please help me stop analyzing them.

I'm going through a period of time where I just can't focus on anything on top of that I keep distracting myself the moment I try to get back on track of do what I have to doand I always feel tired and I'm sure that I am so depressed idk what to do I feel stressed all the time and under pressure and the fact that I keep comparing myself to others it's just exhausting i always try to get better but even anxiety gets me always and my very toxic environment is not helping if anyone is going through this I need a piece of advice or a solution or how to live with this idk

Tbh I still don't understand why I'm feeling this way is it the way I was since I was a kid or suddenly got depressed and now I can't even study as I used to I literally changed I can't even stay 2 hours studying I'm always on my bed and my phone and I feel tired and negative even though I always try to get better with any kind of way I tried praying cleaning my space thinking positivity but I always fail and I always seek attention from others and most of times now I'm alone I have friends but not really my friends everyone is busy with their lives even though we're just 18 I am so tired and my mental health is getting worse and I have I should study or else I will fail like last year

Heey guys Am 20 yo and studying pharmacy this days I feel deppresed and I hate myself am doing nothing I really wanna change I need advices or something to start loving my self and care more

Hey , so I'm new here i kind of need some new friends coz I'm dealing with depression and just got hurt by my best friend because of her bf and it was my biggest heartbreak ngl Idi what im saying this i feel like I'm seeking attention while I'm not anyway if you ever need a new friend , thanks

i don't know where to start and what to talk about its like there is a lot of problems and there none at the same time somtimes i'm thinking why am i depressed for what yes i know i'm always harsh on myself i always blame me for everything even if its not my faulte apologizing every single time just to keep things calm and the worst idea that gets me every night is WHO IS GONNA LIKE AN UGLY BORING UNSOCIAL GUY LIKE ME